Posted in Faith

FOUNDATION: My Word for 2019

Have you ever done the whole “Word for the Year” thing?  The practice is a variation on the traditional “New Year’s Resolution,’ except rather than choosing a habit or behavior to change, you choose a single word to be your guiding focus for the year.  If you’re really interested in digging into the concept, there’s a woman named Ali Edwards who has turned it into an entire program with courses and resources and whatnot, you can find all that here:

https://aliedwards.com/projects/one-little-word

My people on social media, both the influencers I follow and the folks I know personally, are super into the whole thing.  December and January find my feed thick with posts declaring how folks have made the previous year’s word manifest in their lives and sharing what word they’ve got locked and loaded to change the landscape of their lives in year to come.  Some have even gone so far as to get their word tattooed on their actual bodies.

I’ve regarded the practice with a mixture of admiration and skepticism. I’ve even tried my hand at choosing a word the past couple of year, my efforts yielding decidedly tepid results.

This year, it’s different.  This year, I’ve got a word, I’m all about my word, I’m proud of my word, I’m posting on social media about my word, and while I probably won’t get my word tattooed anywhere on my person (you’re welcome, Mom) by the end of this year, I will probably have at least considered it. It felt like that word chose me this year.  It came bubbling up out of the depths of several different things that our loving and patient God has been working me through over the past months and years.

My word is “Foundation.”

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And by “Foundation,”  I mean what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 7:24-25:

24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.

The Son of God did not stutter or waste words, he picked the words he spoke to us with intent.  In His three decades of walking among us humans here in this fallen world, Jesus had both witnessed and experienced what it’s like to be human. Elsewhere in scripture, he promises us that in this life we will have trouble because he had seen it and lived it.  He knew firsthand exactly how much real life can feel like trying to keep the walls up and the roof on our proverbial houses through an onslaught of rain, floods, and wind.

The slow, soaking rains of illness, financial trouble, anxiety and depression…the shifting, influencing winds of the opinions of others and the value system of the fallen world that does not reflect God’s vision for us…the flash floods where a word or a phone call brings us to our knees…

But with those words, with that metaphor, Jesus promises us that if our foundations are secure, the rain and wind and floods cannot take us down.  He promises that through it all, we will remain secure if we will only build our houses upon the Rock, make Father, Son, and Holy Spirit our Foundation.

He also goes on to say that if your Foundations are not secure in him, you can count on the storms of life being a problem.  Whatever this world throws at us is going to batter us about and could level the house altogether.

Our. Foundation. Is. Everything.

So what else could I possibly focus on in 2019 but my Foundation? Everything else, EVERYTHING else, proceeds from and through that.  A year is a long time, I’m sure God has other plans for me, other things He wants to teach me, other ways He wants me to grow. But in order to do those things, I’m going to need to have a solid Foundation, built on the Rock.

As I prayed and pondered this directive from God to GET MY FOUNDATION SECURE, the work has kind of naturally fallen into three categories for me:

  1. Knowledge and understanding of Scripture.
  2. Prayer and communication practices
  3. God-ordered priorities

That is the three-legged stool, so to speak, I’ll be perching myself on to do the work this year.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be digging into those three concepts here on my blog, sharing a baseline for how I’m beginning to work on each of those things this year.I would love for you to join me on this journey.   I’d appreciate your thoughts and suggestions about what has worked for you when it comes to anchoring your foundation in the Lord.  Also, I’m an extrovert, a people person, I do my best work when I’m traveling with others, so if you feel inclined to make 2019 your Foundation year, I’d love to have you along on this path with me.

I leave you to day with the opening verse to one of the hymns I remember singing growing up:

“How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?”

Posted in Uncategorized

How (and Why) I Learned to Crochet

I have never been the least bit crafty.  I do not sew. I do not scrapbook. I am a very utilitarian baker. I buy my kids’ birthday party supplies.

You could say that I am the Queen of the Pinterest Project Fail, but really I’m more like the Queen of the Pinterest Project Did-Not-Even-Attempt.

And yet, here I sit, a few weeks before Christmas, staring at a pile of hand-crocheted Christmas gifts. If you’d told me last year at this time that I would be putting gifts under the tree that I had made myself,  I would have scoffed. Back when my son was a baby, someone even attempted to teach me to crochet at a MOPS meeting and let’s just say it did not end well.

But necessity is a surprisingly effective motivator and it was almost exactly a year ago that I felt a press on my heart, a need in my mom-life, that changed the game for me and turned me into a crocheting fiend with a burgeoning yarn stash and a Pinterest board overflowing with stitch patterns and project ideas.

Read more about my crochet journey on the Kindred Mom Blog:

https://www.kindredmom.com/2018/12/06/how-i-learned-to-crochet/

 

Posted in Faith, Family

Beating the “October Blues”

In my head, I absolutely love October.  The chaos of school starting has settled into a comfortable routine, football is in full swing (#watchallthesports), fall decor is out, pumpkin spice candles are burning, there are no stress-inducing dates that involve buying presents or calculating taxes, it’s sweats and sweater weather- what’s not to love?

But it seems like every year, the struggle bus picks me up around the start of October and refuses to drop me off until Halloweenish.  Maybe it’s the shortening of the days, maybe the let down from the fervor of September leaves me hollow, maybe it’s the fact that 17 years ago, October was the month my Neeno (grandmother) was sick and getting ready to go home to Jesus.  For whatever reason, the October Blues seem to be a thing for me every year.

I get anxious, lethargic, tired, stressed out, I find it hard to sleep, little things seem larger than life, and I happiness and contentment are nowhere to be found.   And it seems to happen every October.

This year, however. I’m saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH- or at least, I’m hoping I can.  This year, I tell you,  I’m going to try my darndest to head it off at the pass, tackle it head on, and see if I can’t use some intentional self-care skills to keep my head above water as October attempts to roll over me on its way through to November.

What follows is my pep talk and to-do list for myself.  The things on this list may seem obvious, but I’m surprised at how quickly they fall by the wayside and how often I need to be reminded.  I’m sharing them here for accountability and also because, just maybe, someone else needs to be reminded of them as well.

Dear Me and Also You,

  1.  LOOK IT IN THE FACE.  Don’t let it creep up on you. Know it’s coming and recognize it when it shows up.  Don’t let yourself get a week into feeling like someone you love died or like the walls are closing in before you realize something is up. If you have a time of year that gets to you, know when it’s coming and get ready to meet it head on like the BOSS that you are.
  2. TAKE YOUR MEDS.  I don’t care what they are: anti-depressants, seizure meds, diabetes meds, pain meds, supplements or naturopathic remedies- if someone has told you take something to make your body work better and you’ve agreed to do this, then you TAKE!  YOUR! FREAKING! MEDS! We need our bodies working at their full strength and capacity, this is not the time to mess around. I will toast you with my morning thyroid med and at night with the vitamins I too often neglect.
  3. SLEEP AND EAT.  Fatigue and low blood sugar amplify negative feels like a Yamaha subwoofer to a hip-hop beat.  Then, a vicious cycle kicks up in which depression and anxiety keep us up at night and squash our appetite, then everything seems  worse because we haven’t slept or eaten.  Plan your meals, plan your snacks, guard your bedtimes, and take a Unisom if you need it and if your doctor has prescribed you something for sleep, see item 2 above.
  4. MOVE YOUR BODY, even if you don’t feel like it.  When Mister Bummerman comes to visit, it zaps our energy and motivation and often the last thing we feel like doing is getting up and moving our bodies.  But it is ACTUAL SCIENCE that exercise releases endorphins that help us feel better, and there’s also the added feeling of accomplishment one gets from having exercised, ESPECIALLY if we didn’t want to. If you can’t hit the gym, take the stairs or go for a walk or do some jumping jacks or a crazy funny 80’s aerobics video on YouTube.  But whatever it looks like you,  get up, get up, get busy, do it like you’re Technotronic.
  5. CLING TO YOUR SPIRITUAL PRACTICES.  If I’m not anchored, I’m adrift.  I need Jesus at the center even to get through the good days.  And yet, when I’m struggling, I do not feel like waking up early and lifting my eyes to the hills where my help comes from.  I also do not feel like lifting my heart and voice in praise or even talking to God during the day, I’m usually rather sullen and cranky and would rather sulk in the shadows.  Can you relate?  Don’t let whatever spiritual practices have served you well fall by the wayside. If you don’t have a battery of spiritual practices to draw from, this is a great time to start.  Head over to my friend Julianne’s website and sign up for her newsletter and she will send you three of her favorites. Doing the things that lift us up, even when it’s hard, makes the rest that much easier.
  6. KNOW WHEN TO HOLLER FOR HELP.  Self-care is all well and good, we should all practice it. But there comes a time when our needs go beyond what some good cardio and a good night’s sleep are going to fix. Maybe you feel so overwhelmed by the bad things that tackling any item on this list seems insurmountable. Maybe you have thoughts of harming yourself or others, thinking everyone would be better off without you. Maybe you’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Telling someone- ANYONE- and letting them push you in the right direction is a WARRIOR MOVE. For some of us, we may just need a partner, friend, or family member to step in and alleviate some of our workload to give us space to breathe. For others of us, a professional thoughts-and-feelings-sorter like a counselor or therapist can help start moving toward solutions. Still others may find our bodies need the provision of medication to regain their balance.  In any event, if you have a hunch this is bigger than just the seasonal blues, say something to someone and pat yourself on the back for doing it.

 

So, are you with me or what?  Will you hold me accountable? Will you check in with me to see if I’m doing the things I told myself to do with this list?  Will you do those things as well?  Whether October is your “season,” or another season is your “October,” promise me you will do all of these things, take care of yourself, holler at me if you need an accountability buddy- and real loud if you need help.  We rise by lifting others, we are in this together.

Hugs,

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Posted in Uncategorized

“I’m Proud of You, Kid.” Praising the Little Big Things

One hazy, hot August evening, six-year-old Mister Cameron and I were walking hand in hand to the car after swim lessons. He had been cranky and out of sorts all day, as he tends to get when he’s tired (see pretty much ALL OTHER POSTS about Mister Cameron to know this is true).

During his swim lesson, he had overestimated his lung capacity and ended up with a snortful of water.  I had been on the edge of my chair, watching, expecting a meltdown of epic proportions…but it never came.  He just took a deep breath of actual air, shook the whole thing off, and moved on.  It had been a stunning and unexpected display of maturity and resilience and my heart had exploded.

“Dude,” I said tentatively as we walked, knowing that pretty much everything I had said to him that day seemed to rub him the wrong way, “I know I say this a lot and you’re probably tired of hearing it, but I’m super proud of you.”

He heaved a deep, pleasant sigh, squeezed my hand and said, “Mom, I could never ever get tired of hearing you say that. Like, never ever.  It makes my heart feel soft.  And cozy.”

Again, my heart exploded.  It makes his heart feel SOFT and COZY?  My goodness, sweet boy…

Even when he had been given an opportunity to grumble and gripe, I OPENED THE DOOR WIDE OPEN WITH MY WHOLE, “You probably get tired of hearing this, Dude,” bit, his heart felt soft and cozy and it even melted the cranky enough for him to say so.

All because I told him I was proud of him.

Maybe it wasn’t only the fact that I was proud of him that melted and filled up his heart, though. Maybe it also had something to do with why I was proud of him.

I’ve noticed that the times when my motherly pride (and Daddy’s fatherly pride) seems to delight and reward my kids the most are not necessarily the BIG MOMENTS, the successes and accomplishments.  Dance recitals, home runs,  great reports from a teacher-  OF COURSE we are proud when they succeed, when they accomplish, when they execute an obvious job-well-done.

But it really seems to fill their cups and touch their hearts in a special way when we notice the the “little things,” the ones that might seem small in the moment, but feel very big to them. The things that take courage, resilience, and strength. The things that don’t always result in immediate success, but the things that true success is really made of.

We are proud when they try hard.

Even if it doesn’t work, even if they don’t quite get there, when we see them PUTTING THE EFFORT IN, we should tell them it makes us proud.  Trying hard, even when it’s hard and things aren’t falling into place, is what success is made of.

We are proud when they improve.

They may not be the best on the team, they may be struggling to remember those sight words, but when they improve, when they do better than last time, that is something to be proud of.  We aren’t going to be good at everything in life, but improving and moving forward as much as we can- that is what success is made of.

We are proud when they show resilience.

When they fall down and get back up again.  When a toy breaks and they take a deep breath and ask for help rather than melting down in tears.  When they stop themselves from an impulsive decision. When they notice and name their feelings, fatigue, hunger, and seek solutions.  We are going to have trouble in life, we are going to struggle and we are going to fall- but taking care of ourselves and getting back in the game- that is what success is made of.

We are proud when they show strength of character.

When they are kind, especially when it’s hard.  When they are honest, especially when the truth isn’t pretty.  When they are thoughtful of others. When they see someone who needs a friend and reach out.  When they are polite. When they are thoughtful.   Integrity and respect for themselves and others is the stuff that success- and a better world- is made of. 

In addition to the instincts of a mama’s heart that tell me that this particular brand of praise is important for our kids, it is also straight up behavioral science that positive reinforcement is one of if not THE SINGLE most powerful tool in shaping behavior.  The behaviors that get the most positive feedback are the behaviors that are most likely to be repeated. And do we want our kids showing effort, pursuing improvement, demonstrating resilience, and valuing strength of character in themselves and other? You betcha we do.

So watch your kids today- and every day.  Watch for the “little things” that are really BIG things. Big to them, big toward building successful humans, big toward making the world better.

And call those things out. Name them. Praise them. Tell your kids how PROUD you are of them.

It will make a difference- in the moment, in the future, to them, and to the world.

Posted in Food, Uncategorized

The Table on the Go: Grace When It’s Needed Most

The text message flashed up on the screen and took my breath away.

Cancer.

My precious friend, a mom of two little girls about the same age as my kids, had been diagnosed with breast cancer.

First, I hit my knees. I pleaded with God to flood her body with healing and for the peace that passes understanding to flood their house.

Then, I hit the kitchen. Hands flying, pots and pans clattering. Chopping, stirring, sauteeing on pure instinct. I felt powerless to help her, but people have to eat, and food is something I could do for her family.

It’s a rhythm I learned from my mom: when the going gets tough, we get to cooking.

Growing up, I used to assume that everyone thought their mom was the best cook ever. It turns out; everyone actually thought my mom was the best cook ever.

Her food is detailed and delicious, but not fussy. Her table is always beautiful, but unpretentious. She is pure hospitality, making you feel warm and welcome. You leave her home so much more full than when you walked in—both in spirit and in stomach. I have yet to see anyone better than my mom at taking her special brand of gracious hospitality, warmth, and comfort to the people in her life who are experiencing a moment of need.

Over the years she has perfected and streamlined her methods, so she doesn’t even need much notice to get food to people. Someone can share their news with her, bad or good, and she can turn around and bless them with a meal in a matter of hours.

In those first moments, when the world has turned upside down, but people still need to eat, my mom slips in quietly, the hands and feet of Jesus, feeding His sheep with home cooking and grace.

She has passed on some of her tricks to me and, while I’ve nowhere near achieved her Maestro of Meal Delivery status, I have managed to get from bad news text message to delivered meal in a matter of hours a few times. Here are a few of the best practices I’ve gleaned from my mom that allow for the quick and easy sharing of meals with people in their moment of need.

Join me over at the Kindred Mom Blog to read my mom’s top tips (and if you happen to know my mom, you know you need these tips!

https://www.kindredmom.com/2018/09/11/the-table-on-the-go-grace-when-its-needed-most/

Posted in Faith

Self-Criticism: It’s Not Humility, It’s Pride

In my whole entire life, I’ve never had anyone be as hard on me as I am on myself.  Not my parents, not my coaches or music teachers, not my gym or math teachers (even though I struggled mightily with both), not my bosses, not my husband or my kids. Even in their most “tough love” moments, nobody in my life has even held a candle to me when it comes to being critical of myself.

It’s usually a surprise to people when I share that because, in general, I’m ooozing sweetness and light — especially when it comes to people’s challenges and struggles.

I’m quick to offer grace to others in their hard moments, to tell them they’re doing better than they think they are, to point out how hard their situation is and tell them that they’re doing an amazing job anyway, to highlight and elevate what they’re doing RIGHT.

For myself, there is exactly none of that. I’m constantly examining myself under a microscope, keeping an up-to-the-minute account of my mistakes and shortcomings (real, perceived, and potentially perceived by others) and doing a fun little matching exercise which involves drawing lines connecting the things that are wrong in my life (or even less-than-ideal) to the flaws in myself that could be causing them.

I’ve been convinced over the years that it’s the responsible and humble thing to do.  It’s my job to keep myself in check, I don’t want the people in my life having to deal with the results of my shortcomings. Also, I would hate to be one of those people who clearly thinks too much of herself even though everyone else can see she’s a hot mess, how embarrassing. The Bible even cautions against thinking too much of ourselves (Romans 12:3). Yes, I’m certainly just being realistic and walking in humility.

But that’s the thing about our sins: they frequently show up as things we think we need, but are actually taking up space in our lives that should belong to God, excluding and eclipsing His love and grace where we need it the very most.

Do you relate to this? Have you struggled with being way too hard on yourself? Head over to the Break the Mold Ministries blog to read what God has been speaking into my heart about this and what He is teaching me about  myself and His grace.

http://breakthemoldministries.org/torirask/

Posted in Uncategorized

Time for a Time Out

August is here.  The start of the school year is coming.  And there’s a lot of exciting stuff going on over here!

As I may have mentioned before, I’m putting the finishing touches on MY FIRST MINI E-BOOK, which will be released in September!  It’s a short collection of seven bits of grace for the struggles of motherhood.

Also, I’m working on some writing to submit to a few OTHER websites, other than my own, which is a big and necessary step for all of us who wanna be writers when we grow up.

And I’m doing all of this…with kids in tow.  Kids who don’t start school for another month.  Kids who are fighting.  A lot. Soooo much fighting.

Anyway, it’s super important for us to know our limits, our priorities, and to know when to change our rhythms and shift our focus. You know, give ourselves GRACE.

So, I’m going to take a break from publishing new content on the blog in August so I can focus on finishing up the e-book (’cause I’m doing it all myself with help from my actual real life friends,  there’s no publisher or agent or anything driving this- oy) and get some content written to submit some other places so we can invite more people to our GRACE PARTY over here.

See y’all in SEPTEMBER with exciting new stuff to share!

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Posted in Family

Happy Anniversary to Us!

This is our anniversary week!  On August 1, we will have been married for nine years.

In honor of the occasion, this week’s post is a re-share of something I wrote two years ago in honor of our seventh anniversary.

It’s a post that tells a bit about Jeff, about our kids, and about our life together.  It’s funny looking back on it now, my kids were two years younger then, Kendall was literally half as old as she is now, but they are still those same little people on that same track.

And I still love our life.  Somedays I still have to pinch myself that all of this has actually come true, there was so long when I thought it might not…

You can read the post here, see you next week with some new content!

https://torirask.com/2016/08/01/meet-the-raskals-7-years-in/

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Posted in Faith, Family

Guest Post: A Letter to My Son At Camp

Last week, my friend Leah posted in our online moms’ group that she had written a letter to her son, who was away at camp, and wanted to share it.

I jumped at the chance to bring it here to y’all here because this letter is full of the real stuff of motherhood: the hopes, the dreams, the love, the pride, the heart-cracked-wide-open aches…I mean, if you can get through the last paragraph without crying, puh-LEEZE tell me how. 🙂

Here it is, and if you want to know more about Leah, check out her bio at the end!

Love,
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Dear Son,

Right now, at this very moment — yes, even as you’re reading this — your mom is praying for you. You’re at church camp and “unplugged” for the week. But I need you to know I am praying for you. And not just this week. I am constantly praying for you.

No, I’m not kneeled down by the side of my bed with my hands clasped. It’s not Sunday morning in church. In fact, we haven’t been to church since just after your baby sister was born. But one day we’ll find our way back. I miss the music. Your Step-Dad misses shaking hands. (Lol.)

We don’t talk about it much but ever since you were small, I’ve taught you how to look for God. In a “quiet woods listening walk,” and in your sweet baby kittens’ faces, even in the tears I’ve cried every year on your birthday as you blow out your candles. My point is, God is everywhere and you can pray anytime. When things are going great in your life and you feel like you’re on top of the world…take the time to shut your eyes and whisper “thank you, Lord.” When you’re sad and frustrated and you feel like everything is going wrong, just say “Help me, Jesus.” It’s that simple.

So tonight, as I’m waiting for the macaroni to boil…or maybe just after I’ve refilled sippy cups for your brother and sister and they’re scampering away…just know that I am praying for you. Just as I always do when I get a long enough moment to catch my breath and have a thought without interruption.

I hope this week is everything you want it to be. I hope your trust and faith in our Lord deepens. I hope you make lifelong friends. And I hope you’re praying too.

I pray for you as I see the little boy features leave your thirteen year old face, and I pray for the amazing young man you’re becoming. I pray for you as you throw an arm around me for a hug, and I notice how much taller than me you’ve become in the past year. I pray for you as I fold your laundry after you’ve left this home to spend a week with your dad and I can barely hold back the tears, I miss you so badly. I pray for you when you share your deepest secrets with me, because there will come a time when you will not. And I’m SO thankful for you. And you don’t see me do it, but I always whisper a “thank you, Jesus.”

Life isn’t always easy or fair, Buddy. But I hope no matter where you go or what you do that you will always remember this:

Right now, at this very moment,
Your mom is praying for you.


37677302_10215519629399193_198471800252792832_nLeah Moore resides in Eastern NC with her amazing family: her husband, David, and her three children, Liam (13), Laurel (5), and Sam (2.5). Between juggling SAHM duties, multiple pets, and an at-home bookkeeping business, she occasionally finds the time (late at night) to write a bit. She loves music (especially playing piano and singing), cooking, coffee, wine, and Candy Crush. Check her out on Instagram for WAY too many kid, pet, and food pics.
Posted in Family

End-Of-Our Rope Mom Moments

I was getting ready for my daughter’s 4th birthday party when a message came through to our group text from one of my besties.  Her two-year-old daughter had dumped an entire bottle of shampoo out on their bathroom floor.  The frustration and desperation in her voice were palpable.  She was officially at the end of her rope and not even sure how to clean up the mess she was left with- both the shampoo mess and the feelings mess.

It would have been easy enough to just say, “HA-HA!  Aren’t toddlers the BEST?  Enjoy those silly moments, blink and she’ll be in high school and then you’ll miss it!”

And it’s true. It goes by so fast and soon, bottles of shampoo on the floor will be just a memory- heck, we would probably prefer cleaning up shampoo to waiting up on a kid who has broken curfew AGAIN.

But that is NOT the reality when you’re the mom in the moment.

When you are the mom of the kid in a tough season, ANY season, it’s not just a bottle of shampoo that needs to be cleaned up.  It’s not just a vegetable they refuse to eat. It’s not just a meltdown in the grocery store or a forgotten homework assignment or a broken curfew. It’s the latest in a string of major messes and malfunctions you’ve had to mitigate and resolve. You’re exhausted, you’re worn out,  you’re a little worried, and you’re starting to feel like there is something wrong either with you or with your kid and that you are STILL going to be working through this when they graduate high school- if you both make it that far.

When I read my friend’s text and felt her desperation, my brain immediately flashed back to a time when my daughter had just turned three and she colored in marker on someone else’s carpet at a birthday party. Fortunately, it was the home of a close friend and she was totally beyond gracious about it.  Looking back at it now, I can just roll my eyes and think, “Oh my gosh, remember that? Haha, what a memory. Preschoolers, man.”

But back in the actual moment, in that place and time, when my son came downstairs and told me what had happened, when I raced up the stairs and around the corner to see that IT WAS TRUE AND HAD ACTUALLY HAPPENED, it felt like being thrown into an actual pit of despair, frustration, and helplessness.

Baby Girl had been coloring on stuff at home for MONTHS.  We had done everything we could think of- we had given consequences, we had given her a sketchpad for her room and bath crayons for the tub so she could go to town in appropriate ways, she had helped clean the messes, we had hidden the coloring supplies (which isn’t easy to do with an older child in the house), and it would get better for a spell. But then, just when one of us would say, “Hey, Kendall hasn’t colored on the wall in awhile,” purple streaks (her signature color) would appear on a window- and always when she was tired or frustrated, it was a total stress behavior/lashing out thing by this time.

And now, it was THE CARPET at SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE in MARKER! I mean- REALLY!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

I remember snatching her up and carrying her home in tears (me, not her.  She was showing zero remorse), depositing her on her bed, flopping down on my own and sobbing. In that moment, it felt to the tips of my very toes like I would not only be cleaning coloring off of walls and carpet for the rest of my life, I would ALSO be cleaning up other types of much bigger, badder, and more disastrous messes in her life because I was CLEARLY failing at raising a responsible, functional, NORMAL human being.  GAH!!!!!

Now, not even a year later, we are in a much different place.  She hasn’t colored on the wall in recent memory (she let go of that vice shortly after this incident) and as she grows, responsibility and maturity are slowly creeping in, just enough that I’m starting to think maybe I’m not totally failing her.

I mean, we have other struggles right now to be sure. We have traded wall coloring for epic meltdowns and refusals to eat dinner.  Whatever season YOU happen to be in with your kids, whatever it is that KEEPS HAPPENING and has you exhausted and discouraged, here are three tips to  hold on to when you’re barely holding on.

  • Go easy on yourself. The frustration and desperation you feel comes with the territory. You’re exhausted and you’re worn down.  It’s ok to have the big feels right now, this mommin’ business is hard stuff.
  • Take care of yourself.  Take deep breaths, make a cup of tea, get out for a walk later if you can get coverage for the kids.  Take space however you can get it- things will feel more manageable after you’ve had some distance.
  • Keep your perspective.   I mean,  it is kinda funny when you think about it. And it will get better eventually.  Doesn’t mean it’s not hard as heck in the moment, but some day this moment will have passed.  I promise.

My prayer for you, for all of us, is that God will give us His grace and mercy to get through the tough moments.  That He will give us the wisdom and strength to do what our kids need to help them through whatever’s going on. That He will give us patience and peace as our kids slowly learn and mature.  That He will surprise and delight us with the little moments of joy that only this very season in our babies’ lives can bring.  May He help us to not miss a moment, even though we may wish the moments away sometimes.  And may we come out the other side glad to be through it, but grateful for having been there.

In case nobody has told you today, you’re a great mom.