I Am Not a Morning Person, Bless My Heart

Me– So my blog post this week is about me NOT being a morning person.
Husband– BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me– Why? Why is this Funny?
Husband– HEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEE!
Me– JEFFREY!  WHY? WHY IS THIS FUNNY?!?!?
Husband– Because you are SO not a morning person!
Me– JEFFREY! DUH!  This is why I’m writing a blog post about me NOT being a morning person. I couldn’t very well write a post about BEING a morning person, why is it funny?
Husband– *still laughing* Honey, that’s like writing a blog post about water being wet.
Me– I’ll bet people have blogged about that!  And published articles in scientific journals about the wetness of water. It’s in textbooks.  IT’S NOT FUNNY!
Husband– BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAAH!!!
Me– *glares*  And just for that, I’ll be retelling this at the start of my blog post.

And now that I have made good on my threat, please enjoy the following blog post about me not being a morning person:

Picture it…my room…some random weekday morning at some ungodly hour (aka some time before 8am):

I am plucked forcibly and against my will from some blissful dream or another by the insistent shout of my two-year-old daughter echoing from down the hall.  “MAAAAAAAAAAAAHMEEEEEEEE!  MOMMAAAAAAAAAAAY!”

She is awake in her crib and ready for me to present myself, bright eyed, bushy tailed and at her disposal for the next eleventy billion hours that stand between now and nap time. I also hear a clattering and humming coming from my four-year-old son’s room, letting me know that I’m the only person in the house who isn’t up and at ’em.  Their father has been gone for hours, he gets up at 5:30 for a first-thing date with the gym.

I groggily reach over and grab my phone.  7:02 am. Seriously? That late already?  Because it sure feels like it should still be dark outside. UUUUUUUGH!

In a moment of self-indulgent denial, I open Instagram, promising myself I will extricate myself from bed when I’m done catching up with what the rest of the world was up to while I was sleeping.

I immediately regret this choice.

Apparently all of the Moms of Instagram have been up for hours, their coffee steaming from hand-lettered coffee mugs, reading their devotionals by the light of the sun’s first rays, blessing us with a Clarendon-filtered glimpse into these  treasured first moments of the day with Jesus.  #blessed #earlyriser #startingthedayright Meanwhile, I was over here knocking out one of the seven deadly sins before I even got out of bed. #sloth #fivemoreminutesmom #ohwaitiamthemom

“MOMMAAAAAAAAY!  I HUNGREEEEEEEEEEE!  I HAVE A TINKY BOTTAAAAAAAAAAAAM!”  My daughter shouts again.

So, I drag myself from bed, stagger down the hall and begin our day. I always feel three steps behind when we start our days this way (which is always), but so far that hasn’t been enough of a motivator to get me to change anything. I’ve been able to somewhat mold myself into the sleep patterns of a functional adult, but the fact remains that getting up before 8am is not my jam.

Oddly, I happen to love the early morning hours and and I desperately admire those who have the body clocks and/or self-discipline to own them. I love the way the first light of the day makes the world look, the smell and feel of the cool, dew-drenched air, the world even SOUNDS different first thing in the morning, it’s like I can hear everything just that more clearly.  And yet none of that ever seems to matter in the face of the warmth and coziness of my bed and the irresistible pull of five…more…minutes.

Motherhood has made me even LESS of a morning person.  Life with little kids means that in every moment of my day I am subject to the whims of tiny humans who rely on me for every little thing- I’m basically on duty for 12-14 hours a day with people who haven’t yet learned about grace, boundaries, or common courtesy, and whose learning process for those things involves testing, pushing, and battling in the trenches with their “safe person,” who also happens to be me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the privilege, both of having kids in the first place and of being home with them all the time.  This is exactly what I wanted, it’s fleeting, and I’m trying hard not to miss a moment or take it for granted. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy and some days I’m not super anxious to wake up and get to it.

Not only is getting up in the morning to start a day of being “on duty” not the most appealing prospect, going to bed at night and ending the brief stretch of “after work hours” isn’t super enticing either.  Those hours after they are asleep are precious.  It’s the only time I *truly* get to spend both by myself and with my husband.  I am LOATHE to give those hours up to sleep each night.  I do it, and usually at a decent hour, because #adulting. But it’s never unbegrudgingly.  (is that a word?)

And yet still, the pull of the morning hours is there for me.  I *want* to be one of those people who breathe in the quiet of the first hours each day.  I would love to join the Instagram moms who are up at the crack of dawn, sipping warm beverages and getting our hearts right with God before the day begins.  I don’t want my morning sloth to be chuckle-inducing for my husband, I feel like I *should* be up and making the coffee while HE slumbers. But I also know that God does not deal in shame and comparison.  His voice may be calling me to claim the mornings as my own, but He wouldn’t do it in whispers of how the other moms’ mornings “measure up” and mine don’t.  This is about Him and me, an A and B conversation, and the Insta-moms can just “C” their way out.

And fortunately, God is patient with me.  He sees, He knows, and He is walking with me right through everything.  So, what is the point of this blog post? Well, I don’t rightly know, other than just to throw out there that if you are not a morning person, you are not alone. And if you feel a certain modicum of shame attached to your penchant for eeking out even the last second of sleep in the morning, you are also not alone. Oh, and also to say that I’m planning to start getting up at six every morning here very soon. I had planned to this morning, but then my daughter woke up at 5:45 and that was before 6 and so she went back to sleep and so did I and then BOTH of my kids slept until 7:45- HALLELUJAH!!!

But I will…tomorrow…I promise 🙂