Posted in Faith, Family

When You’ve Got No Clue How to Parent

He tends his flock like a shepherd;
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.”
-Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

Have you ever had a season of parenting that you were deeply unsure how to navigate? To be fair, that’s every season of parenting for me. But there are some moments that are more profoundly uncertain than others, moments when I feel not only like I have no earthly clue what to do with and for my children, but I don’t even know how to help them.

I’m there right now. I will spare you the details because my kids are old enough to care right now about me spilling their beeswax, but suffice to to say that it involves epic meltdowns, me getting screamed at, and a child goofing off with their friends at inappropriate times. We have no clue what to do here. UGHHHH!!! WHY IS IT SO HARD?

Jeff and I are not the first parents to feel this way- not now, and not throughout history. In this blog post, I’m going to share what God had to say VERY CLEARLY AND EMPHATICALLY to me during one such season and also what Yahweh had to say to our forbears in the faith, the people of ancient Judah, when it came to navigating uncertain terrain.

When Cam, the older of my two kids, was about 8 months old, he lapsed into an epic sleep regression. Four months of fighting bedtime for hours, refusing naps, awake for 2-3 hours every single night. It was BAD, bad. WICKED BAD! If you want to play the “Well, did you try…” game, the answer is yes we did. We tried it all and nothing worked. I questioned every decision I made and cried buckets. I got a maximum of five interrupted hours of sleep each night for four months on end and spent at least as much time each day and night trying, either actively or passively, to get him to sleep.

One night, I sat in the glider in his nursery, rocking a stubbornly wide-awake Mister Cameron, with my heart aching so profoundly that I felt physical pain in my body. He needed sleep badly and I did not know how to help him get it. We were both beyond exhausted and I didn’t know what to do.

As I rocked, I asked God to give me a Scripture- any Scripture, to help. I was not even picky about what the verse had to offer- comfort, guidance, whatever. I just needed a WORD in that moment. Not often do I hear concrete words in my head from God, but in that moment I clearly heard,

“Isaiah 40:11”

And that was it.

No lines upon which to meditate, just an unfamiliar address that, as far as I could recall, meant nothing to me. “SO! UNHELPFUL!” I huffed to myself (and also to God) and continued rocking away, grumbling about random Bible addresses that WERE NOT IN THE LEAST BIT HELPFUL IN MY MOMENT OF TRIAL!

Awhile later, after I had placed him in his crib and retired to my own bed to listen to him not sleeping on the baby monitor, I finally remembered to look up Isaiah 40:11.

It reads, in the NIV which is the Bible I was using at the time:

“He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.”

I felt all breath whoosh out of my body and I physically doubled over with the impact those words had on me.

First of all, one thing to know about me is that Handel’s Messiah, Handel in general really, is my jam. This is a text from a Messiah aria, it’s the front half of “He Shall Feed His Flock/Come Unto Him,” which is generally sung by the Mezzo-Soprano and the Soprano soloists. I had never sung “He Shall Feed His Flock” portion as it’s typically done by a Mezzo, but I had sung the “Come Unto Him” part more times than I can count and just hearing the introduction makes me weep because it’s so gorgeous.

Take a listen here (this singer does both halves herself):

The personal hug from God aside, the imagery associated with the verse is breathtaking, and its implications for a struggling parent are powerful.

“He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart. He gently leads those who have young.”

In a moment when I felt I was failing to sooth and comfort my child, I pictured God holding Cameron close to His heart- so close that Cam could hear God’s heart beating. We are told as parents that our heartbeats are very soothing to infants because of the months they spent in the womb, cocooned in warmth and safety to the rhythm of a heartbeat. Skin-to-skin contact is scientifically proven to have a measurable impact on attachment and on babies’ vital signs. The imagery here is incredibly powerful: God holding Cam close and soothing him when I could not, holding him so close that Cam could hear God’s heartbeat, which would be even more nascent to him than mine…just wow.

And gently leading those with young! It’s me. I’m “those with young.” God could carry Cam and lead me on my journey with him at the same time.

What’s more, I realized that to God, I am also a lamb. He also gathers me in His arms and carries me close to His heart. I’m His child every bit as much as my children are and the while the world is quick to look past a mom and her needs to those of her child, God is not.

In terms of context within the Bible, Isaiah chapter 40 begins what many scholars call “Second Isaiah,” a group of prophecies that are widely believed to have been penned during the exile of the people of Judah in Babylon. Jerusalem had been gutted by Babylonian troops and the Temple, the place where the Judeans’ faith held that Yahweh resided and was to be worshipped, had been burned to the ground. Much of the Judean population had been taken into exile in the city of Babylon where they were forced to learn to do life in a foreign culture and to wonder where their God was, both physically and metaphorically. The Temple was no more, they were far from their promised land, what comfort was there for them? Had Yahweh abandoned them? First Isaiah (Chapters 1-39) contains some scoldings, admonishments and warnings about the cost of unfaithfulness to Yahweh – one might even conjecture that the Judean people had landed their very own selves in exile by their disobedience and failure to keep Yahweh’s laws. If they were anything like me, many Judeans might have actually believed this to be true and would have carrying worry and guilt as they wondered how to raise their children in an unprecedented situation.

Despite all of that, Isaiah 40 begins with the words, “Comfort ye, my people” (which, incidentally, are also the first words sung in The Messiah). Isaiah 40 speaks comfort to a people who are unsure what to do next, a people who surely had to be wondering how to raise their children under these new circumstances. They are reminded that Yahweh is with them guiding their steps, protecting them and their children, even when they don’t know what steps to take.

Back to my present moment. I’m questioning my decisions in this moment, even questioning whether my decisions in the past have CAUSED this moment. So that’s fun. I’m writing this post more for me than for anyone else, I needed to be reminded of this story today and I figured it was time to write it down so the details don’t escape me next time I come into a similar season, because it’s not like it ever stops happening, right?

I’m going to end this post by encouraging you to meditate for a moment on Isaiah 40:11. What images does it bring to mind that you can hold close to your heart? In what ways do you need for God to hold you close right now? In what ways do you need guidance with your “young?” What comfort can you draw from the knowledge that God holds your babies, no matter how old they are, at all times- when you’re holding them yourself and when you can’t? I am going to hold these images close to my heart in the coming hours and days. I may not make all the right decisions because I’m not perfect, but God is carrying my kids and me along the way. Praying for His comfort for me, for them, and for you and yours.

Posted in Faith, Family

Beating the “October Blues”

In my head, I absolutely love October.  The chaos of school starting has settled into a comfortable routine, football is in full swing (#watchallthesports), fall decor is out, pumpkin spice candles are burning, there are no stress-inducing dates that involve buying presents or calculating taxes, it’s sweats and sweater weather- what’s not to love?

But it seems like every year, the struggle bus picks me up around the start of October and refuses to drop me off until Halloweenish.  Maybe it’s the shortening of the days, maybe the let down from the fervor of September leaves me hollow, maybe it’s the fact that 17 years ago, October was the month my Neeno (grandmother) was sick and getting ready to go home to Jesus.  For whatever reason, the October Blues seem to be a thing for me every year.

I get anxious, lethargic, tired, stressed out, I find it hard to sleep, little things seem larger than life, and I happiness and contentment are nowhere to be found.   And it seems to happen every October.

This year, however. I’m saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH- or at least, I’m hoping I can.  This year, I tell you,  I’m going to try my darndest to head it off at the pass, tackle it head on, and see if I can’t use some intentional self-care skills to keep my head above water as October attempts to roll over me on its way through to November.

What follows is my pep talk and to-do list for myself.  The things on this list may seem obvious, but I’m surprised at how quickly they fall by the wayside and how often I need to be reminded.  I’m sharing them here for accountability and also because, just maybe, someone else needs to be reminded of them as well.

Dear Me and Also You,

  1.  LOOK IT IN THE FACE.  Don’t let it creep up on you. Know it’s coming and recognize it when it shows up.  Don’t let yourself get a week into feeling like someone you love died or like the walls are closing in before you realize something is up. If you have a time of year that gets to you, know when it’s coming and get ready to meet it head on like the BOSS that you are.
  2. TAKE YOUR MEDS.  I don’t care what they are: anti-depressants, seizure meds, diabetes meds, pain meds, supplements or naturopathic remedies- if someone has told you take something to make your body work better and you’ve agreed to do this, then you TAKE!  YOUR! FREAKING! MEDS! We need our bodies working at their full strength and capacity, this is not the time to mess around. I will toast you with my morning thyroid med and at night with the vitamins I too often neglect.
  3. SLEEP AND EAT.  Fatigue and low blood sugar amplify negative feels like a Yamaha subwoofer to a hip-hop beat.  Then, a vicious cycle kicks up in which depression and anxiety keep us up at night and squash our appetite, then everything seems  worse because we haven’t slept or eaten.  Plan your meals, plan your snacks, guard your bedtimes, and take a Unisom if you need it and if your doctor has prescribed you something for sleep, see item 2 above.
  4. MOVE YOUR BODY, even if you don’t feel like it.  When Mister Bummerman comes to visit, it zaps our energy and motivation and often the last thing we feel like doing is getting up and moving our bodies.  But it is ACTUAL SCIENCE that exercise releases endorphins that help us feel better, and there’s also the added feeling of accomplishment one gets from having exercised, ESPECIALLY if we didn’t want to. If you can’t hit the gym, take the stairs or go for a walk or do some jumping jacks or a crazy funny 80’s aerobics video on YouTube.  But whatever it looks like you,  get up, get up, get busy, do it like you’re Technotronic.
  5. CLING TO YOUR SPIRITUAL PRACTICES.  If I’m not anchored, I’m adrift.  I need Jesus at the center even to get through the good days.  And yet, when I’m struggling, I do not feel like waking up early and lifting my eyes to the hills where my help comes from.  I also do not feel like lifting my heart and voice in praise or even talking to God during the day, I’m usually rather sullen and cranky and would rather sulk in the shadows.  Can you relate?  Don’t let whatever spiritual practices have served you well fall by the wayside. If you don’t have a battery of spiritual practices to draw from, this is a great time to start.  Head over to my friend Julianne’s website and sign up for her newsletter and she will send you three of her favorites. Doing the things that lift us up, even when it’s hard, makes the rest that much easier.
  6. KNOW WHEN TO HOLLER FOR HELP.  Self-care is all well and good, we should all practice it. But there comes a time when our needs go beyond what some good cardio and a good night’s sleep are going to fix. Maybe you feel so overwhelmed by the bad things that tackling any item on this list seems insurmountable. Maybe you have thoughts of harming yourself or others, thinking everyone would be better off without you. Maybe you’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Telling someone- ANYONE- and letting them push you in the right direction is a WARRIOR MOVE. For some of us, we may just need a partner, friend, or family member to step in and alleviate some of our workload to give us space to breathe. For others of us, a professional thoughts-and-feelings-sorter like a counselor or therapist can help start moving toward solutions. Still others may find our bodies need the provision of medication to regain their balance.  In any event, if you have a hunch this is bigger than just the seasonal blues, say something to someone and pat yourself on the back for doing it.

 

So, are you with me or what?  Will you hold me accountable? Will you check in with me to see if I’m doing the things I told myself to do with this list?  Will you do those things as well?  Whether October is your “season,” or another season is your “October,” promise me you will do all of these things, take care of yourself, holler at me if you need an accountability buddy- and real loud if you need help.  We rise by lifting others, we are in this together.

Hugs,

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Posted in Family

Happy Anniversary to Us!

This is our anniversary week!  On August 1, we will have been married for nine years.

In honor of the occasion, this week’s post is a re-share of something I wrote two years ago in honor of our seventh anniversary.

It’s a post that tells a bit about Jeff, about our kids, and about our life together.  It’s funny looking back on it now, my kids were two years younger then, Kendall was literally half as old as she is now, but they are still those same little people on that same track.

And I still love our life.  Somedays I still have to pinch myself that all of this has actually come true, there was so long when I thought it might not…

You can read the post here, see you next week with some new content!

https://torirask.com/2016/08/01/meet-the-raskals-7-years-in/

Untitled design (6).jpeg

 

Posted in Faith, Family

Guest Post: A Letter to My Son At Camp

Last week, my friend Leah posted in our online moms’ group that she had written a letter to her son, who was away at camp, and wanted to share it.

I jumped at the chance to bring it here to y’all here because this letter is full of the real stuff of motherhood: the hopes, the dreams, the love, the pride, the heart-cracked-wide-open aches…I mean, if you can get through the last paragraph without crying, puh-LEEZE tell me how. 🙂

Here it is, and if you want to know more about Leah, check out her bio at the end!

Love,
Signature


Dear Son,

Right now, at this very moment — yes, even as you’re reading this — your mom is praying for you. You’re at church camp and “unplugged” for the week. But I need you to know I am praying for you. And not just this week. I am constantly praying for you.

No, I’m not kneeled down by the side of my bed with my hands clasped. It’s not Sunday morning in church. In fact, we haven’t been to church since just after your baby sister was born. But one day we’ll find our way back. I miss the music. Your Step-Dad misses shaking hands. (Lol.)

We don’t talk about it much but ever since you were small, I’ve taught you how to look for God. In a “quiet woods listening walk,” and in your sweet baby kittens’ faces, even in the tears I’ve cried every year on your birthday as you blow out your candles. My point is, God is everywhere and you can pray anytime. When things are going great in your life and you feel like you’re on top of the world…take the time to shut your eyes and whisper “thank you, Lord.” When you’re sad and frustrated and you feel like everything is going wrong, just say “Help me, Jesus.” It’s that simple.

So tonight, as I’m waiting for the macaroni to boil…or maybe just after I’ve refilled sippy cups for your brother and sister and they’re scampering away…just know that I am praying for you. Just as I always do when I get a long enough moment to catch my breath and have a thought without interruption.

I hope this week is everything you want it to be. I hope your trust and faith in our Lord deepens. I hope you make lifelong friends. And I hope you’re praying too.

I pray for you as I see the little boy features leave your thirteen year old face, and I pray for the amazing young man you’re becoming. I pray for you as you throw an arm around me for a hug, and I notice how much taller than me you’ve become in the past year. I pray for you as I fold your laundry after you’ve left this home to spend a week with your dad and I can barely hold back the tears, I miss you so badly. I pray for you when you share your deepest secrets with me, because there will come a time when you will not. And I’m SO thankful for you. And you don’t see me do it, but I always whisper a “thank you, Jesus.”

Life isn’t always easy or fair, Buddy. But I hope no matter where you go or what you do that you will always remember this:

Right now, at this very moment,
Your mom is praying for you.


37677302_10215519629399193_198471800252792832_nLeah Moore resides in Eastern NC with her amazing family: her husband, David, and her three children, Liam (13), Laurel (5), and Sam (2.5). Between juggling SAHM duties, multiple pets, and an at-home bookkeeping business, she occasionally finds the time (late at night) to write a bit. She loves music (especially playing piano and singing), cooking, coffee, wine, and Candy Crush. Check her out on Instagram for WAY too many kid, pet, and food pics.
Posted in Family

End-Of-Our Rope Mom Moments

I was getting ready for my daughter’s 4th birthday party when a message came through to our group text from one of my besties.  Her two-year-old daughter had dumped an entire bottle of shampoo out on their bathroom floor.  The frustration and desperation in her voice were palpable.  She was officially at the end of her rope and not even sure how to clean up the mess she was left with- both the shampoo mess and the feelings mess.

It would have been easy enough to just say, “HA-HA!  Aren’t toddlers the BEST?  Enjoy those silly moments, blink and she’ll be in high school and then you’ll miss it!”

And it’s true. It goes by so fast and soon, bottles of shampoo on the floor will be just a memory- heck, we would probably prefer cleaning up shampoo to waiting up on a kid who has broken curfew AGAIN.

But that is NOT the reality when you’re the mom in the moment.

When you are the mom of the kid in a tough season, ANY season, it’s not just a bottle of shampoo that needs to be cleaned up.  It’s not just a vegetable they refuse to eat. It’s not just a meltdown in the grocery store or a forgotten homework assignment or a broken curfew. It’s the latest in a string of major messes and malfunctions you’ve had to mitigate and resolve. You’re exhausted, you’re worn out,  you’re a little worried, and you’re starting to feel like there is something wrong either with you or with your kid and that you are STILL going to be working through this when they graduate high school- if you both make it that far.

When I read my friend’s text and felt her desperation, my brain immediately flashed back to a time when my daughter had just turned three and she colored in marker on someone else’s carpet at a birthday party. Fortunately, it was the home of a close friend and she was totally beyond gracious about it.  Looking back at it now, I can just roll my eyes and think, “Oh my gosh, remember that? Haha, what a memory. Preschoolers, man.”

But back in the actual moment, in that place and time, when my son came downstairs and told me what had happened, when I raced up the stairs and around the corner to see that IT WAS TRUE AND HAD ACTUALLY HAPPENED, it felt like being thrown into an actual pit of despair, frustration, and helplessness.

Baby Girl had been coloring on stuff at home for MONTHS.  We had done everything we could think of- we had given consequences, we had given her a sketchpad for her room and bath crayons for the tub so she could go to town in appropriate ways, she had helped clean the messes, we had hidden the coloring supplies (which isn’t easy to do with an older child in the house), and it would get better for a spell. But then, just when one of us would say, “Hey, Kendall hasn’t colored on the wall in awhile,” purple streaks (her signature color) would appear on a window- and always when she was tired or frustrated, it was a total stress behavior/lashing out thing by this time.

And now, it was THE CARPET at SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE in MARKER! I mean- REALLY!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

I remember snatching her up and carrying her home in tears (me, not her.  She was showing zero remorse), depositing her on her bed, flopping down on my own and sobbing. In that moment, it felt to the tips of my very toes like I would not only be cleaning coloring off of walls and carpet for the rest of my life, I would ALSO be cleaning up other types of much bigger, badder, and more disastrous messes in her life because I was CLEARLY failing at raising a responsible, functional, NORMAL human being.  GAH!!!!!

Now, not even a year later, we are in a much different place.  She hasn’t colored on the wall in recent memory (she let go of that vice shortly after this incident) and as she grows, responsibility and maturity are slowly creeping in, just enough that I’m starting to think maybe I’m not totally failing her.

I mean, we have other struggles right now to be sure. We have traded wall coloring for epic meltdowns and refusals to eat dinner.  Whatever season YOU happen to be in with your kids, whatever it is that KEEPS HAPPENING and has you exhausted and discouraged, here are three tips to  hold on to when you’re barely holding on.

  • Go easy on yourself. The frustration and desperation you feel comes with the territory. You’re exhausted and you’re worn down.  It’s ok to have the big feels right now, this mommin’ business is hard stuff.
  • Take care of yourself.  Take deep breaths, make a cup of tea, get out for a walk later if you can get coverage for the kids.  Take space however you can get it- things will feel more manageable after you’ve had some distance.
  • Keep your perspective.   I mean,  it is kinda funny when you think about it. And it will get better eventually.  Doesn’t mean it’s not hard as heck in the moment, but some day this moment will have passed.  I promise.

My prayer for you, for all of us, is that God will give us His grace and mercy to get through the tough moments.  That He will give us the wisdom and strength to do what our kids need to help them through whatever’s going on. That He will give us patience and peace as our kids slowly learn and mature.  That He will surprise and delight us with the little moments of joy that only this very season in our babies’ lives can bring.  May He help us to not miss a moment, even though we may wish the moments away sometimes.  And may we come out the other side glad to be through it, but grateful for having been there.

In case nobody has told you today, you’re a great mom.

 

Posted in Faith, Family

“How Can We Help?” How You Can Help Vulnerable Children and Families, Today and Every Day

 

“…the call to be involved in creating justice for the poor is just as essential and non-negotiable within the spiritual life as is Jesus’s commandment to pray and keep our private lives in order.”
Ronald Rolheiser, The Holy Longing: A Search for Christian Spirituality

“Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours”
Casting Crowns

“‘God, why don’t you do something?’  He said, ‘I did, I created you.'”
Matthew West

“What can we do?  I feel so helpless…”

The text came from my husband as I was sitting in the shade of a green, breezy park, watching our own kids swing and run and jump and play, not a care in the world.

The pictures and video and audio of the cries of immigrant and refugee children being separated from their parents at the US border as part of immigration protocol shook us all to our core.

Regardless of our feelings about immigration and the politics at play in this situation, something about seeing all of this happening IN OUR OWN COUNTRY, ON OUR OWN SOIL, for some of us IN OUR OWN COMMUNITIES, has hit home like nothing we’ve seen before.

The reality is that this is nothing new under the sun.  Children and families face trauma in our own country and around the world every day, having to walk through things in this fallen and broken world for which the children of God were never intended.

But SEEING IT AT HOME, live and in living color, has stirred us- and that, my friends, is SOMETHING.

Make no mistake, my people, God is moving here.  He is ALWAYS moving, if only we know where to look, and right now we need only to look into our own hearts and the hearts of those around us to see His power at work, shaking our foundations and calling us to more.

The reason we feel the ache in our very souls for the vulnerable is because it’s woven into our DNA. We were made in the image of a Father for whom the needs of His children are paramount.  This call to action in our hearts, that “What can we do?” feeling, that represents the very BEST of the nature God created in us.

The fact is that there ARE things we can do- there is SO MUCH we can do for needy children and families, if only we know where to look.

There are organizations all across our country and around the world that are addressing the needs of the most vulnerable among God’s children every single day.  Some are focused on needs like the ones we are currently seeing in the national news, providing for and advocating for immigrants and refugees, both here and abroad.  Others are fighting modern day slavery and human trafficking. Some are working on job creation and food insecurity, others are serving homeless youth, orphans, and foster care.

We can harness the power of this moment, the call to action we feel in our heart, not only to take action in this situation, but to inform ourselves about ways we can KEEP taking action and CONTINUE providing for and advocating and for vulnerable children and families at home and around the world every single day.

I’m beyond blessed to have friends and family who are SHOWER UPPERS, boots-on-the-ground, plugged-in kind of people who are involved in serving every day. So I reached out on Facebook and asked my people to provide me with a list of organizations they know of that are serving vulnerable children and families so that I could pass the info on to others who are feeling the urgency of the moment.

This list is unedited, I didn’t make any decisions about what to include and what to leave out because this isn’t about what I feel is valuable and important.  God knit each of us together uniquely, with a calling on our hearts different from everyone else’s, knowing that TOGETHER we create His vision for wholeness and justice in our world.   His call on your heart to serve is different than mine

This list also isn’t by any means complete or exhaustive, it was compiled on the fly and in response to an urgent need so my crowd-sourcing time was limited. If you know of a resource organization you’d like to share, leave it in the comments.  My only guideline is that this post is focusing on serving vulnerable children and families, so any suggestions should fit under that umbrella somehow.

And my directive for you as you read this list is as follows:

  1. Find one way to give of your time.  Some of these organizations may not be local for you, but I’ll bet you could find one if you Googled.
  2. Find at least one organization to share with others.  Either post about them on social media, text message the link to someone you think might be interested
  3. Find one to donate to- even $5.  If EVERYONE gave $5 to one of these organizations, how  much more POWER would they have to affect change and serve these babies and families?

Also, as always, do your homework.  You can use Charity Navigator or a similar “charity checker” website to find out more about how these organizations use your dollars, ask around, comb the websites, and, of course, pray.


Your Shopping Dollars.  There are hundreds of companies here in the US and abroad who are harnessing the power of commerce to create economic opportunity in vulnerable communities around the world, creating stability and jobs so that families don’t have to make the hard choices.  Here are links to a couple of directories where you can find all sorts of wonderful places to use your dollars to make the lives of families across the world better:

https://www.stillbeingmolly.com/fair-trade-usa-made-ethical-brands-list-directory/

https://therootcollective.com/pages/the-ethical-list

https://shopbeautifuluprising.com/

Adorned in Grace Bridal and Formalwear Shops sell new and gently used wedding gowns, formals, petticoats, veils, and accessories. All proceeds are used to promote awareness and prevention of sex trafficking as well as crisis prevention for trafficked victims.
http://www.adornedingrace.org/



Become a Foster Family OR respite care provider for Foster Families
–  A quick internet search for “YOUR CITY foster care” or “YOUR COUNTY foster care respite”  should point you in the right direction.  It varies by state, city, and county the exact place you’ll need to look, but a search should do the trick

International Justice Mission. IJM’s mission is to protect the poor from violence by rescuing victims, bringing the criminals to justice, restoring survivors to safety and strength, and helping local law enforcement build a safe future that lasts. IJM partners with local authorities to rescue victims of violence, bring criminals to justice, restore survivors, and strengthen justice systems. We combat slavery, sex trafficking, property grabbing, police abuse of power and sexual violence in nearly 20 communities throughout Africa, Latin America and South and Southeast Asia. Our vision is to rescue thousands, protect millions and prove that justice for the poor is possible.
https://ijm.org

Preemptive Love Coalition. We’re a coalition stretching across Iraq, Syria, the United States, and beyond, working together to unmake violence and create the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible. We meet families on the frontlines of conflict, providing them lifesaving food, water, and medical care. We give them what they need to hold on and hold out. We create jobs for those victimized by ISIS. We provide small business grants, tools, and coaching so they can start again and so their families can flourish.
https://preemptivelove.org

Together Rising. Whether it’s pulling children out of the sea outside the refugee camps in Greece, helping abandoned kids on the streets in Indianapolis, establishing the first opioid recovery home for pregnant teens in New Hampshire, building a maternal health wing in Port-au-Prince, providing a single mother access to breast cancer treatment, or keeping a foster family’s heat on in Texas — Together Rising identifies what is breaking the hearts of our givers as they look around their world and their community, and then we connect our givers’ generosity with the people and organizations who are effectively addressing that critical need. Here is how they have been addressing the issue of families separated at the border.
https://togetherrising.org

RAICES. The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that promotes justice by providing free and low-cost legal services to underserved immigrant children, families and refugees in Central and South Texas. RAICES is the largest immigration non-profit in Texas with offices in Austin, Corpus, Dallas, Fort Worth, Houston, and San Antonio.
https://actionnetwork.org/groups/raices-refugee-and-immigrant-center-for-education-and-legal-services

Catholic Charities offers a wide variety of support and assistance for children and families in need around the world,  including advocacy outreach, and provides immigration information and legal translation help. Many refugee/immigrants identify as Catholic so they often reach out to Catholic Charities for help.
https://www.catholiccharitiesoregon.org/offices-programs/

World Concern is a Christian global relief and development agency extending opportunity and hope to people facing extreme poverty.
https://worldconcern.org/

Mennonite Central Committee is a global, nonprofit organization that strives to share God’s love and compassion for all through relief, development and peace.
https://mcc.org/

IRCO: Immigrant and Refugee Community Organization.  IRCO’s mission is to promote the integration of refugees, immigrants and the community at large into a self-sufficient, healthy and inclusive multi-ethnic society. Founded in 1976 by refugees for refugees, IRCO has over 40 years of history and experience working with Portland’s refugee and immigrant community.
https://irco.org

Carry the Future. Be a force for action and hope and join our international community of volunteers as we unite to bring humanitarian aid in the form of child carriers, baby beds and survival items to refugee families.
https://carrythefuture.org

Southwest Key. Southwest Key is committed to keeping kids out of institutions and home with their families, in their communities. We do this through three areas of programming: youth justice alternatives, immigrant children’s shelters, and education. Southwest Key also seeks to create opportunities for families to become self-sufficient by offering programming in adult education, community building and workforce development. The inspiring kids and families we work with are seeking the American dream—equality, education, and a healthier quality of life. At Southwest Key, we simply open the doors to opportunity so they can achieve these dreams.
https://swkey.org

The Florence Project is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit legal service organization providing free legal services to men, women, and unaccompanied children in immigration custody in Arizona. Although the government assists indigent criminal defendants and civil litigants through public defenders and legal aid attorneys, it does not provide attorneys for people in immigration removal proceedings. As a result, an estimated 86 percent of the detained people go unrepresented due to poverty. The Florence Project strives to address this inequity both locally and nationally through direct service, partnerships with the community, and advocacy and outreach efforts.
https://firrp.org

KIND: Kids in Need of Defense. KIND staff and our pro bono attorney partners at law firms, corporations, and law schools nationwide represent unaccompanied immigrant and refugee children in their deportation proceedings. Together, we ensure that no child stands in court alone.
https://supportkind.org

The Women’s Refugee Commission improves the lives and protects the rights of women, children and youth displaced by conflict and crisis. We research their needs, identify solutions and advocate for programs and policies to strengthen their resilience and drive change in humanitarian practice. Since our founding in 1989, we have been a leading expert on the needs of refugee women and children, and the policies that can protect and empower them.
https://womensrefugeecommission.org

Episcopal Migration Ministries (EMM) lives the call of welcome by supporting refugees, immigrants, and the communities that embrace them as they walk together in The Episcopal Church’s movement to create loving, liberating, and life-giving relationships rooted in compassion. EMM’s desire to honor the inherent value of human connection brings communities together to love their neighbors as themselves.
https://episcopalmigrationministries.org

Safe Families for Children hosts vulnerable children and creates extended family–like supports for desperate families through a community of devoted volunteers who are motivated by compassion to keep children safe and families intact.

The three objectives of Safe Families for Children are:

  1. Keep children safe during a family crisis such as homelessness, hospitalization, or domestic violence in an effort to prevent child abuse and/or neglect.
  2. Support, and stabilize families in crisis by surrounding them with caring, compassionate community.
  3. Reunite families and reduce the number of children entering the child welfare system.

https://safe-families.org/

We Belong Together aims to mobilize women in support of common sense immigration policies that will keep families together and empower women. Immigration reform is rarely thought of as a women’s issue, but in fact it is central to the fight for women’s equality. Millions of immigrant women who are part of the fabric of our communities, workplaces, and schools are blocked from achieving their full potential because of a broken immigration system. They perform essential jobs, like taking care of our children and our aging parents, and are central to family and community well-being.
https://webelongtogether.org

Feedmore. Central Virginia’s core hunger relief organization.
https://feedmore.org

Communities in Schools. Working directly in 2,300 schools in 25 states and the District of Columbia, Communities In Schools builds relationships that empower students to stay in school and succeed in life.  Our school-based staff partner with teachers to identify challenges students face in class or at home and coordinate with community partners to bring outside resources inside schools. From immediate needs like food or clothing to more complex ones like counseling or emotional support, we do whatever it takes to help students succeed.
https://communitiesinschools.org

YWCA. YWCA USA is on a mission to eliminate racism, empower women, stand up for social justice, help families, and strengthen communities. We are one of the oldest and largest women’s organizations in the nation, serving over 2 million women, girls, and their families.
https://ywca.org

#HashtagLunchbag is a humanity service movement dedicated to empowering and inspiring humanity to reap the benefits of giving through the use of social media. We create and use bagged lunches, complete with love messages, as a vessel to spread this love and share our experiences to inspire others.
https://hashtaglunchbag.org

 

Virginia Center for Inclusive Communities. The Virginia Center for Inclusive Communities works with schools, businesses, and communities to achieve success by addressing prejudices, in all forms, in order to improve academic achievement, increase workplace productivity, and enhance local trust.
https://inclusiveva.org

CASA: Court Appointed Special Advocates.  CASA/GAL volunteers are appointed by judges to watch over and advocate for abused and neglected children, to make sure they don’t get lost in the overburdened legal and social service system or languish in inappropriate group or foster homes. Volunteers stay with each case until it is closed and the child is placed in a safe, permanent home. For many abused children, their CASA/GAL volunteer will be the one constant adult presence in their lives.
https://www.casaforchildren.org

No Kid Hungry. When you become part of No Kid Hungry, you’re joining a movement of teachers, chefs, community leaders, parents, lawmakers and CEOs with a shared belief: no kid in America should go hungry.
https://nokidhungry.org

KaBOOM! is the national non-profit dedicated to bringing balanced and active play into the daily lives of all kids, particularly those growing up in poverty in America.
https://kaboom.org

Reach Out and Read is a nonprofit organization that gives young children a foundation for success by incorporating books into pediatric care and encouraging families to read aloud together.
https://reachoutandread.org

Faithful Friends is a community-based mentoring program in Portland, OR, that provides children support and stability through relationships that encourage personal growth and inspire hope. The program matches volunteer individuals, couples and families with children ages 6 through 9 for mentoring relationships. The mentor/mentee matches meet 3-4 times each month for at least one year.
https://faithfulfriendspdx.org

Big Brothers Big Sisters.  As the nation’s largest donor and volunteer supported mentoring network, Big Brothers Big Sisters makes meaningful, monitored matches between adult volunteers (“Bigs”) and children (“littles”), ages 6 through young adulthood, in communities across the country.
http://www.bbbs.org

Saving Grace Maternity Home (I am blessed enough to get to serve as a volunteer and on the board here). Saving Grace Maternity Home is a residential home experience in Hillsboro, OR, for single young homeless women in an unplanned or crisis pregnancy, between the ages of 13-25. We welcome women of all cultural, ethnic, and religious backgrounds who currently live in the state of Oregon. We have the capacity to assist and house up to four women full time and there are two beds for temporary short-term stays.
https://savinggracematernityhome.org

Union Gospel Mission’s LifeChange for Women and Their Children provides a safe, healing home for women and women with children to transform their lives.  If you are struggling with abuse, addiction or homelessness, we can help. LifeChange is a safe environment to heal from past traumas and to learn how to break free of destructive choices. LifeChange is not a clinical treatment “program” or a series of steps. It is an intentional Christian community where people help and support each other to break cycles of addiction, abuse and homelessness and live a transformed and abundant life in Jesus.
https://ugmportland.org/help-for-women/

True Colors Fund. Up to 40% of the 1.6 million youth experiencing homelessness identify as LGBTQ.  Communities and youth homelessness service providers want to be safe and welcoming for LGBTQ youth, but often don’t have the knowledge or resources to do so – creating barriers for these youth to get the support they need. The True Colors Fund fills that space by offering free training and resources on how to meet the needs of LGBTQ youth experiencing homelessness. We also advocate in government and media to help ensure critical funding and services for all youth, and create opportunities for youth who have experienced homelessness to be key leaders in the effort to end the problem.
https://truecolorsfund.org

Door to Grace.  At Door to Grace, we are bringing safe and loving family to sexually exploited children in the Portland, OR, area.
https://www.doortograce.org/

Posted in Family, Friendship, Mom Power

Got Mom Friends? Want Mom Friends?

If you read this here blog, then you probably know that connecting and empowering moms is absolutely my jam.

I believe that friendships between women are POWERFUL. I’m talking chain-breaking, iron-sharpening, soul-healing, world-changing, hands and feet of Jesus powerful.

Never has this been more true in my life than here in the trenches of motherhood.  Connecting with other moms is pretty much the only earthly way I’ve gotten through it all thus far. Those relationships and the audacious acceptance I’ve experienced through them have been both life-giving and life-changing.

That’s why I believe so strongly in the work my friends Sara and Chrissi are doing over at Project Mother and why I’m totally stoked to be working with them as Community Coordinator. Project Mother is an organization that is TOTALLY 100% ABOUT empowering and connecting moms.  As Community Coordinator, my role is to support moms in establishing #MotherLocal Groups in their communities where moms can come together to connect in environments free from judgement and overflowing with support and acceptance.  Sound like your jam?

Learn more in today’s post on the Project Mother blog:

http://bit.ly/motherlocal

If this sounds like something you’d like to be involved with, follow the links in the blog post to get more info and you can contact me directly through the contact box there! Or just email me at tori@projectmother.co

Hope to hear from you soon!

Posted in Family

Dear Mom in the Weeds- It Does Get Easier

Dear Mom in the Weeds,

My sweet sister who is exhausted, sleep-deprived, and overworked from chasing a toddler, managing preschool tantrums, doing all things for all people.

You’ll never guess what.   OK…are you ready for this?

IT! ACTUALLY! DOES! GET! EASIER!

I mean, they told me. They promised me.  But I did not believe them because…well, when you’re in the weeds, you think the day will never come.  I feel like it’s a coping mechanism of sorts, we don’t dare to think of a day when things will be different because it’s like being on a diet and thinking of a piece of cheesecake. We just have to pretend the cheesecake doesn’t exist to get through it.

But one day, you turn around and something got better. Got easier.

This week, I took my kindergartener to the pool to swim.  I watched (as in sat on a bench next to the pool and WATCHED, like an actual adult) him frolic in the shallow end, practicing his swimming skills and splashing and playing with the other kids. Once I actually did get in the pool, he jumped in and swam to me a couple of times. He did not pull down my bathing suit top in a fit of fearful clinginess even once. It was delightful.

After about an hour, we got out and went in to shower and get dressed to go home.  As he sat getting himself dressed and I went over to dry our suits and put away our towels, I had a deja vu moment, my mind traveling back to a much different time in that exact place.

Ironically, was two years ago tomorrow that I wrote this in a post here:

“I am exactly the right mom for my kids, I am exactly the right mom for my kids, I am exactly the right mom for my kids.  I’m telling myself that over and over right now because Mister Cameron, who just turned four, had a screaming fit in the locker room of our gym yesterday after swimming because I wouldn’t get him dressed.  He had a screaming and crying fit IN! PUBLIC! because I was busy so scrambling to dress myself that I couldn’t do something for him that a couple of months ago he would get furious with me for even attempting to help him with.  And what’s even harder for me is that I couldn’t reach him once he got himself going.  Nothing I tried worked until I had to give in and dress him myself and then walk him out of the locker room screaming.  The older woman walking out ahead of us was so startled by him that she gasped and took the good Lord’s name in vain while looking daggers over her shoulder.  In her defense, I don’t think she realized that this was a child whose poor mother was doing the best she could, I think she heard a yell and assumed he was unsupervised- because it’s only logical that a supervised child would not scream like that.  Of course, one could argue that he WAS unsupervised because there certainly was nobody present whose authority and direction he was responding to.”

You can read the whole post here.

The contrast between that moment and the one I found myself in was staggering- and it happened when I wasn’t even looking.  Memories came flooding back of earlier trips to the pool with a barely-walking baby and an uncooperative preschooler, neither of them the least bit independent.  How tension would creep into my bones when I knew the time was coming to extract us all from the pool- would there be a meltdown? What would happen in the showers?  I would go home exhausted.

But while I wasn’t looking, things got better. The kids have matured, gotten more independent, they have learned the going-to-the-pool drill, and those trips are more of a joy than a chore these days.

It’s easy to lose sight of the things that have gotten better in the wake of the whole slew of NEW problems that inevitably crop up as the kids grow. Now our meltdowns happen in the mornings getting ready for kindergarten. Every. Stinking Day. This season of parenting isn’t necessarily any easier than that one, it’s just challenging and taxing and frustrating in new and different ways.

But we have GOT to stop and recognize the victories, the moments when it has gotten better.

And it will.  They always warn you that one day you’ll turn around and your kids will be bigger, and it’s true. But it’s not entirely a bad thing. You’ll also turn around one day and it’ll be easier.

I need that reassurance because there are days (MOST days) when I myself am still in the weeds. My kids are 6 and 3 1/2, it’s still a lot of work. So I guess this is a letter to myself as much as to you.

This too shall pass.

Note:  My two babies are both developmentally typical kids with no medical issues or concerns.  I know many a mom for whom it either DOESN’T get easier or the progress moves at a snail’s pace due to the unique challenges their kiddos and their families face.  So as we count our blessings, let’s also hold in prayer those moms whose workloads and worry-loads don’t lessen at the same rate that ours do and be ready to show up to support them in any way we can. Because it’s what we do.

Posted in Family

How to Make a Cute First Day of School Pic (For Dummies)

My kids have started school, y’all.  How sweet are they?
I’m ridiculously, insanely, out-of-my-mind delighted and proud of these two not-so-little ones.

 

Every first and last day of school since Cam started preschool, I have snapped a picture of each of them on the porch in the morning and created this digital time capsule of who they are is in that moment.

Every time, I share it to social media to let friends and family see who they are becoming as they grow.

Every time, someone comments telling me how cute it is, how creative I am, and asking me how to do it so they can do it for their kids.

Every time, I laugh my ever-loving rear end off at each and every compliment.  I’m not even kidding. It’s been three years and it still both tickles and baffles me to death that people are so in love with this and think it’s so awesome.

Because the truth is that this family first-and-last-day-of-school tradition was born not of organization, planning, and creativity but of desperation, panic, and a total and complete lack of artistic talent- and also out of the attachment of this 21st century parent to her cell phone.

For weeks leading up to Cam’s first day of preschool, I was stressing about that FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL PIC.  You know, the one with the kid holding the cute sign that lets everyone know what grade they are going into?  I love those. I love that they capture the excitement of the moment and that they can be called on again and again as time marches on to highlight growth as these little school-goers get bigger and continue forward on their journeys.

I really wanted to do this with my kids but I’m not exactly the cute sign-making kind. The visual arts are not among my gifts and I had no idea how I was going to pull this off.

That night before the first day of school,  I’m pretty sure went through half a ream of printer paper trying to make a sign.  I hand-lettered, I computer-lettered, and nothing was right.   I even looked on Etsy, willing to PAY for something- but nothing was quite right.  I didn’t just want a “FIRST DAY OF PRESCHOOL” sign, I wanted something that captured who he was at the time, something that I could really look back on and remember what life was like with him at that time.  Panic was starting to set in. I would send this child off to preschool WITHOUT A FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL SIGN PIC.  THE SHAAAAAAAME!!!!  DARN YOU, LACK OF ARTISTIC TALENT!!!!

Finally, it occurred to me to stop thinking about what I couldn’t do and think about what I COULD do and how I could use that to accomplish my goal.  I couldn’t hand-letter like my friend Devan or graphic design like my friend Amy, but I could sit and dink around on my phone like a BOSS.

So, on the first day of school I snapped a pic of him with some room on the side,  asked him a few questions about his favorite things, and when I got home from dropping him off, I put Kenzie (then about 14 months old) down for her morning nap, opened my favorite text-over-picture app, and dinked and diddled on my phone until I had something passable. Then,  I saved it to my camera roll, uploaded and emailed that bad boy to whoever I thought needed to to be pacified with a first day of school pic.

IMG_1683
The first-ever first day of school pic, the one I was so stressed about.

I felt slightly embarrassed as I clicked “Post” on Facebook, I felt like I was straight up advertising my lack of craftsiness to the entire world. I was THAT MOM who couldn’t conjure up a decent sign for my kid to hold so I had to make something on my phone.

But the response was INSANE.  People thought I paid for it. People thought his teachers did it for us.  People were like, “Wait, you DID THIS YOURSELF!!?!?! TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!!!!!”  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  I was truly floored and also considerably amused that people thought it was anything special.

So, here by “Popular Demand”  (BAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA, can you even? I LITERALLY cannot), I shall now share with you, good readers of my blog, the step by step process of how magical me creates thes

How to Make an Adorable First Day of School Pic
(For Dummies)

 

Step 1: Have zero artistic talent

Step 2:  Stress over making a sign for several days and try eleventy billion other ways and have them all fail (feel free to skip this step.  And step one)

Step 3: Find and download a text over picture app of your choice. I use the Pic Collage app.

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Step 4: Choose a few questions you would like to ask your kid on their first and last day of school for the next however many years (Favorite book, favorite food, favorite song, favorite book, favorite show or movie, favorite color, favorite activity, what do they want to be when they grown up, what would they do with a million dollars, etc.)

Step 5: Open your chosen app and go to town. I hear from people who know about these things that it’s generally good to choose only one or two fonts to ensure a cohesive look, so that’s what I did.  Here are a few screenshots of the process I used.

IMG_5523
I choose freestyle.

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Then add the image.

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Then stretch the image to fit the pic

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Then I add the text boxes. You do have to add them individually, but….

IMG_5565
“duplicate” is your friend. Once you’ve picked your font, you can just duplicate each box and change the text.

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“Straighten” is also your friend. It will help you when everything inevitably gets sideways.  You get this option by shaking the phone.  Weird, I know. But that’s how it works.

 

Step 6: Save and share.

This may not be the easiest or the best way to do it. You may even find an app that has a template. Heck, this app may have a template that I just haven’t even found.

But this is what’s been working for me. And that’s what this is about: Finding something that works for you and your family and rolling with it. Kind of like all of parenting in general.

Thanks for reading- and find me and tag me if you end up making something like this for your kids!  I’d love to see it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Family

The Myth of the “Good Enough Mom” (And why we are all good enough moms)

Let me tell you how today began. Both of my kids were up and out of their rooms before their lights were green  and they were already fighting. I mean, I was actually awakened today  by my least favorite sound ON THE PLANET,  the aural assault of a yell that my three-year-old launches the instant something makes her mad.  I blearily pulled myself out of bed and before my feet ever hit the floor, I heard the tell-tale *Smack-shriek* sequence that let me know that my five-year-old had once again decided to dispense with self-control and smack his sister the instant something made him mad.

I was barely even awake yet and my first feels of the day were the all-too-familiar Failure Feelings that seem to always be lurking, looming and threatening in this season of motherhood. I put them both in their rooms, told them that if they couldn’t keep from fighting they would need to be separated, stumbled to the bathroom and texted my husband that I was seriously considering starting to hunt for a full-time, out-of-the-home job so that I could put them in childcare with someone else who might actually be able to, you know, get through to them.

And while I wasn’t actually serious about looking for another job, in that moment I was stone-cold real about the feeling that we would all be better off if someone else was in charge of my kids during the day because clearly, I wasn’t cutting it.  I’ve been throwing the absolute best I can muster at the fighting and the hitting and the yelling and the tempers and *clearly* it wasn’t good enough. *I*  wasn’t good enough.

I walked over to the sink to brush away the morning breath and began to plan my next move.  What do I do with these kids?  Looks like I need to do something differently because what I have been doing is not even a little bit working. What would a Good Enough Mom do with these kids?  Someone who was Good Enough at this motherhood thing to be able to get these kids to stop fighting would do ______________________________ right now.

I tried to envision this Good Enough Mom. I tried to get inside her head for a moment, channel her, if you will. Figure out What Would Good Enough Mom Do so that I could follow her ways, even if I could never actually get on her level.

What would it even look like be a Good Enough Mom? What would it feel like to be a Good Enough Mom? How would her kids respond?  What would it be like to be around those kids of a  mom who always knew the right thing to say or do?

As I thought about who she would be, I thought about what her kids would look like. I’ve been around A LOT of kids in my time. Ten years of classroom teaching and five years of teacher education will do that.   I have known some wonderful, WONDERFUL kids. I mean, heck, I had #allthehearteyes for my entire class every single year, even when they drove me crazy.  But even the ones who got the “excellent” ratings in the behavior column were not perfect all of the time.  They all made mistakes every now and then.  They all had areas where they struggled.  It’s just part of being a kid- of being human.

There were even times when I would sit in conferences with parents and watch looks of disbelief overtake their faces as I raved about how delightful, cooperative, and conscientious their kids were, and how they really helped me by setting an example for their classmates.

OUR kid?” they would reply, incredulous.  “He must be saving it all for school…”

or

“Yes, she’s always been like that at school.  It’s not like that all the time at home.”

These parents were good, good people and they were raising great, great kids. But even those amazing families and their amazing kids didn’t fit this image I had conjured in my head of this Good Enough Mom who would be able to walk down the hall, cast a spell with just a few words, and have Hansel and Gretel skip off to play, hand in hand, heart in heart, forever and ever to fight again no more.

Something started to stir inside me as I thought and the vice grip that shame and discouragement had on my heart began to loosen. Maybe kids are just human and there is no such thing as a mom who is Good Enough to charm the humanity right out of her kids.  I mean heck, I was raised by someone who in my mind is as close to an actual Good Enough Mom as anyone could get and yet I made it to adulthood unable to keep my room clean.

Another thing about kids is that it’s not just a running joke when parents say that our kids find our greatest weaknesses and exploit them. It’s an actual thing that happens as kids grow and test boundaries and explore love and relationships.  Even if we did figure out all of the things we are currently struggling with, they would just find something else to push back about because THAT’S HOW THEY LEARN ABOUT LIFE AND THE WORLD.

As I shook the last cobwebs of sleep from my head and prepared to walk down the hall and deal with the ridiculousness that had begun my day, I released the looming specter of the Good Enough Mom and let her flit away from my house.  The fact is that God doesn’t make mistakes, if there were anyone better than me to be raising these kids, she would be here right now.  Yes, I’m sure there are moms out there who know better than I how to deal with sibling squabbles and quell the impulsivity of reaction- I know this to be true because I’ve read their books and blogs on the subject.  But that doesn’t mean she would be better than me at raising the whole people who are my kids

I’m still going to try every day to be better mom because it’s what moms do. I’m going to read #allthebooks, ask #alltheadvice, say #alltheprayers, do #allthethings that might just help me help these little ones become the best versions of who they were created to be.  But there is no such thing as the Good Enough Mom. There’s nobody who gets it right all the time, whose kids never push, whose life looks like a constant highlight real.

My prayer is that you will join me in releasing the Good Enough Mom we may envision, and embrace the good enough moms that we are.